Unexpectedly unmotivated to photograph... anything.

 

Young swimmer.

I never imagined that the day would come when I would be here writing about this but, since coming back from Chicago a couple of weeks ago, I have been incredibly unmotivated to go out and take photographs of...anything. I take a camera or two with me whenever I leave the house, out of habit, but they mostly stay in the car, dumped under a bucket hat or a tattered towel, waiting to be useful but their time in the sun just never seems to arrive. And I can't really figure out why.

I haven't lost the discipline or the pleasure to show up for swim practice every morning. I guess it's because I can feel the results while swimming and right after swimming. There's an immediate effort and reward cycle. Not so much these days in photography. 

But this ennui isn't just about being unmotivated to grab a camera and go out exploring the visual landscape; nope, it also extends to nearly all things gear-oriented as well. No interesting camera comes to mind; at least none that I feel like buying or trying out. No lights that I feel I "need" for some project. Nada. I look into a drawer full of nice lenses and they hold no current fascination or allure. I charge camera batteries but come up with excuses not to use them. I have excuses that even sound lame to me. Like, it's too hot outside. The traffic is horrible during this time of the day. The light is not right. I've been there before and it all looks the same. Being the only person within a five mile area wearing a real camera over my shoulder is too odd. 

I'm not too alarmed as a bit of research on artists tells me that many have/had periods in their careers when they just aren't/weren't inspired to do the work. There are transitional periods during which they catch their breath and realign their vision or philosophy. And sometimes people just need a break.

I can only imagine this all stems from calling quits to doing work for the sake of a paycheck. I don't think I realized just how tied up in our work identities we can be and how work bolstered my sense of identity and even lent a bit of extra power to my self-esteem. Minus the work framework the whole reason for photographing seems unnecessary. Almost like I'm going through the motions just to have something routine to do. And that's kinda goofy. 

Everyone who offers advice offers the same two solutions. One is to volunteer to photograph for a non-profit or charity and the other is to actively mentor young photographers. I've worked for decades with non-profits; done my share of pro bono work, and spent way too many late nights post processing projects for charities. But the truth is that nearly every non-profit I've worked with would much rather have cash donations instead of more photos. Their need for photos is transient and limited while their need for donations is constant.  And given that most of their photo needs aren't in line with my vision I'd much rather write checks than spend time doing work that doesn't satisfy my way of seeing or my ideas. I've spoken to many charities about this. The check is the "gold standard." 

When it comes to mentoring one has to admit that what I learned in my career, as it applies directly to photography, is less and less apt today; in today's marketplace. My advice might be more harmful than productive; especially if I steer people into conformity and the standard's that my generation decided were "universal" and "timeless." Because nothing really is. I could teach them how to write an invoice or how to hire a tax accountant but I think most smart, young people realize that the market for traditional photography is shrinking at the speed of light, and the dumb ones shouldn't be in the business anyway because, again, it's a declining market. And it's hard to master and make profitable something in decline.

I'm sure I'll find my way shortly. I'm just mired in the process of wrapping business things up which is different than actively photographing. 

Almost everyone also demands that I find a project to work on but I feel (and 50 years of experience seems to validate the feeling) that projects find you when you are ready to be found. Something always crops up when you least expect it... Forcing a project is like trying to force someone to fall in love. Doesn't work.

Or, I could just try to do the same stuff over and over again but I don't think that works out for anyone. 

For now? We'll donate to our favorite charities and chill out until the muses smack me in the face with a bit of inspiration. 

Now goofing around with one of the Leica CL (digital) cameras and an assortment of APS-C lenses. It's different. And kinda fun. 

Off to the dermatologist so she can look at her handiwork and pat herself on the back. Ah, the one benefit of retirement = more time for doctor's visits.

This is Formula One weekend in Austin. People who like to look at cars going around and around endlessly on a track are in heaven. The rest of us are perplexed. And mildly inconvenienced. 

the happy place where we learn discipline and good life habits. 

a clean pool is a happy pool. I hope the guard is fishing out all of the pirañas that someone dumped in the pool as a joke yesterday.... They did motivate a spurt of sprinting...

The first half of workout. The second half on the board lurking in the background....

Swimming. Breakfast. Laundry. Empty dishwasher. Wash windows.

Get prodded on by dermatologist. Clean house in preparation for 

spouse's arrival from out of town. Water the plants by the front door. 

Repeat. 

Retirement from a long term job is an interesting exercise in re-direction and self-examination.

Just thinking that new Hasselblad X2D-ii might be a temporary fix for the ennui.

My best friend just bought one along with that cool 

40mm lens....  hmmmm.