7.02.2023

Sad walk through downtown today. Loss is always sad, no less so when it happens to someone else.


The heat broke a bit last night and this morning. I was happy. I'd been putting off walking through downtown for a week or so. With no tree cover to break up the asphalt, along with the effects of many tall sun reflecting buildings, the downtown space always stays five or ten degrees hotter than the tree lined suburban areas. 

Since we've all been thinking a lot about monochrome cameras and black and white photography I decided to do today's walk with a Leica CL, set to Mono HC, outfitted with a Sigma 56mm f1.4 lens. 

As always some things changed and some didn't. I'd gotten over half way through my walk when I turned the corner onto Sixth St. and Congress Ave. and ran into a man I've seen and sometimes interacted with for years out on the street. His name is Mark. He's an army vet. About 60 years old. He's been living on the streets here in Austin for years. He doesn't panhandle or accost people for money. Instead he plays "the drums" using five gallon, plastic paint cans as his instruments. For the past six or seven years I've seen him out regularly, and always in the company of his best friend, a smallish dog named, Nana.

When I see him I always try to drop five or ten bucks into his "donation jar." He's a pleasant enough guy but he obviously has some issues that keep him on the street. I've never seen him drink or operate under the influence of drugs. He's always cordial, in his own quiet way. 

I always loved seeing him with Nana. They were inseparable. I would walk by a side street on an icy morning and find them huddled under blankets and tarps. Mark always made sure Nana was well covered and always well fed. 

About a month ago I walked by Mark and Nana at the corner of 6th and Congress. Mark had his "drums" and Nana was lounging on a small scrap of carpet. But what caught my eye was a sign that told anyone who stopped to read it that Nana was having some medical issues and desperately needed medication. I stopped to ask Mark what he needed. 

The vet he had used for Nana had stopped doing pro bono work and Mark needed to come up with $90 to pay for needed medications. I asked him how short he was on hitting the total. He needed another $50. I never carry cash but my bank was right across the street and after interacting with Mark (and Nana) for years I knew I wasn't being scammed. And even if I was it wouldn't matter. 

I walked into the bank but realized I'd forgotten my wallet, checkbook, etc. when I left the house. The teller immediately recognized me and pulled out the $50 I requested from my account. We chatted and I told her why I needed the cash. She reached under the counter, grabbed her purse and added ten dollars of her own to the pot. She too had seen Nana and Mark outside for years....

I walked across the street and handed Mark the cash. He thanked me profusely and immediately started packing up to get to the vet's office. 

A little over a week ago I was in downtown to meet someone for a late afternoon coffee. I ran into Mark. It was burning hot outside. He was rolling his cart with his drums off the street and headed to wherever it was he was sheltering from the heat. We stopped and I asked him how things were going. Nana was worse. Mark was clearly anxious. Very upset. I handed him my water bottle and suggested he get into some cool shade quickly. Nana was not with him that day and I was glad of that since it was way too hot for a dog to be out. 

I hoped Nana would recover. She was probably only six years old. A very noble dog and a wonderful friend to Mark. 

I walked my downtown route today and saw Mark ahead of me on Congress Ave. and Sixth St. He looked....defeated. I asked him how he was and he just responded, "I'm so tired." Then, after a moment or two he pointed down to a small framed print on the sidewalk next to him. "There's a photo of Nana." He said. By that I knew she was gone. 

I said the usual consolatory phrases to Mark. I told him I would miss Nana. He was quiet. Nothing left to say.

I left and walked to my car. It was 20 minutes away. While I walked I was remembering all the times I'd seen them together but the one scene that stuck in my mind was seeing them a few days after the big freeze back in 2021. I was out early in the morning on what was still, for Austin, a cold day. But sunny. I walked down Second St. and saw Mark, Nana and one other person camped next to the old Children's Museum building (now a Google building) each wrapped up in sleeping bags and covered with blankets. Nana wedged up tight against Mark. 

When I got back to my car today I sat there for a few minutes and started to cry. I remembered the empty pit in my stomach when my beloved dog, AKA: Studio Dog, passed away. It hurt worse than any other loss I've experienced. I understood how Mark must be feeling. 

Right now I'm less interested in Monochrome cameras and more interested in trying to figure out the best thing I can do for a homeless man immersed in such a profound loss. I'll figure it out. But it's a sad day. Dogs are wonderful. Losing them is beyond painful.

Here are some images I made before I met up with Mark...











21 comments:

  1. Sad, indeed. We've all been there. Thanks for trying to help.
    Dick

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  2. Did you ever take any pictures of Nana at all (I appreciate that taking pictures of homeless people may not be your kind of street photography)? It's just that my father-in-law had to put his dog to sleep a couple of weeks ago. He told me that Sparks was the best dog he'd ever had. Fortunately I had taken a few shots of them together a few years ago and printed and framed something for his mantelpiece. He was visibly pleased with the photo.

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  3. I do have a few photos of Nana but none of Mark. I'll make a nice, framed print for Mark. He had a nice photo of her with him already today. But yeah. I think he'd appreciate another one.

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  4. I'm sure Mark appreciated your help during difficult times. Losing a pet can be as sad, if not more so, than losing a human family member. Staying human and compassionate of other less fortunate people is one of the best things we can do in these trying times.
    Bob Autrey

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  5. Thanks for sharing Kirk.

    Posts like this are why I hope you keep writing - I learn more from these than from any photography post.

    Thank you for making the invisible, visible.

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  6. I appreciate your honesty/transparancy in sharing this painful experience Kirk

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  7. The thing about a dog is that you feel 100% responsibility for its quality of life, and it gives the impression of having 100% faith in you doing so. Young children apart, no other relationships are like that.

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  8. Sad story indeed, and some nice shots. I would guess, given your interaction with the bank teller, that Austin, for all its headlong growth and yuppification, has retained something of its old spirit.

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  9. Losing a friend, especially for someone living on their own is devastating; I do hope he manages to cope with his grief, he will need all the support he can get. Thanks so much for helping a fellow human in trouble.

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    1. Yes when someone expresses tiredness be aware that is a major sign of depression. To do it so publicly maybe an indirect cry for help.

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  10. I know the feeling. There's a close bond between a human and a dog that's not really definable. Losing a pet is devastating, even more than losing a close relative in many cases. I know I never really wept when my mother died but I've shed tears at the death of dogs since then--dogs who owned me and my heart.

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  11. Very sad story, but a great piece of writing.

    So good that people like you do what they can.

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  12. Is there a way Mark could get another dog? Not as a replacement for Nana, of course - you can't 'replace' a long time friend - but as a companion to ease the loneliness? Life is going to be harder - maybe too hard - for Mark without a being to share and care for.

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  13. Tom, he does seem to have a long term relationship with another person. Not sure it's a great fit to have another dog...he's out in the heat a lot and it's not a great environment. But with Nana it was a whole different thing.

    The story of how he found Nana was riveting in and of itself. He was walking by a dumpster and heard some crying. He looked inside and someone had thrown away a puppy with a broken leg... He pulled her out of the dumpster and got her to a vet... Nursed her back to health. Adopted her.

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  14. Thanks, Kirk. Sad as it is your story is a ray of sunshine in the constant barrage of articles telling me how divisive the country is. Little acts of kindness - I keep hoping that's the American way.

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  15. Beautiful story Kirk. Has anyone ever told you you should be a writer?

    It's sad that there are so many people unhoused these days. The situation seems to be getting worse. I'm just outside of NYC and the problem there is getting worse all the time.

    As a society that is as rich as we are, it's horrifying that we cannot find a way to care for those who need it most. All we seem to do is demonize people who live at the intersection of mental health crisis, poverty, and often addiction, poor education and toxic family structures that scarred them for life.

    Thank you for being so kind to Mark and Nana.

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  16. Thank you, Kirk.
    I've been a photographer so long that I appreciate a post like this more than I do about one about another lens. Take him to the pound.

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  17. An army vet who seems to have fallen through the cracks who adopts an injured dog and that lives in a country when many politicians are actively talking about curtailing social programs for people in need.

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  18. You are A Good Man Mr.T; That's why it hurts.

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  19. The best post of yours I've ever read.

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