Eeyore's Birthday Party 2019.
I went to the big Spring celebration at Pease Park that's called, Eeyore's Birthday Party. It was about a week and a half ago. I took a fancy camera from a posh name brand. To be honest, just about everything I shot with the smart, well built, $5,800 camera was crap. Stuff I could have shot back in the 1980s on Kodak Gold color negative film and any old SLR. My brain just wasn't in the game. I've become jaded. It's been harder to enjoy plain stuff. Harder to be part of the crowd.
I didn't realize I'd become such a stuck in the mud until I came across this old folder of images from just four years ago. The way I've been thinking about things has been quite different since the death of my father, the Covid pandemic, the Trump years, and the general collapse of civilization. I know it's just my skewed point of view but when I can clearly see that I was having much more fun with a Canon G15 point and shoot camera than a gleaming Leica Q2 it made me pause and reconsider....everything.
I've been writing a blog with no real road map and no plan. I endlessly (really, daily) moderate comments that tell me that: I'm not a particularly good photographer. My black and white works sucks. My observations are boring. My chosen subject matter is stupid. Disregarding my long and deep history with photography; both hands on, professionally and in academia, commenters still suggest I look up obvious, historic photographers to "help" me improve my "vision." The commenters only seem to like the most mainstream techniques. Any variation from the YouTube/DPR technical standards is met with ridicule and disparagement. My motives called into question. It's been about six years since I took away all affiliate links or ads of any kind from the blog and I still get accused, regularly, of being a "shill" for some camera company. Still accused of writing about some camera or lens as click bait for sales. I guess it's always been this way. It's just today, looking how much fun I was having back even in 2019 makes me a bit sad.
I went back into the house a few minutes ago and found the G15 in my desk drawer along with three fairly recent batteries and a charger. I put a card in it, stuck the batteries on a charger and, after I see B off again (Florence Nightingale) I'll head out and play with it, carrying with me a total disregard for any opinions the resulting images might generate. It's beautiful outside. I'm tired of writing unsolicited stuff about photography for an audience I've mostly never met. I just want to shoot some stuff for myself today. Turn off the news feed, unplug the landline, leave the mobile phone in the desk drawer and forget everything I've ever learned about doing photography "correctly."
I know most of the VSL readers are smart, compassionate people. I know I should have a thicker skin when moderating comments. But that's not the way I'm wired. Taking a deep breath.
