OT: Your focus determines your reality. Concentrate on the here and now. (philosophy stolen directly from Star Wars).

 

The world is constantly shifting, changing and mutating. And there are three aspects of psychology that drive anxiety or depression. Each seems to be made worse by the velocity of change.  One is indecision, being unable to act. One is ambiguity, being unable to see effective differences between choices. Or even being able to see choices. And the final driver of feeling glum or distraught and nervous is loneliness. It is possible to develop solutions to all three. But you have to work on it. 

I have a few favorite ways of dealing with modern life. For things like the dastardly (but now tamed) refrigerator or the downed branches from the ice storm, or a door ding on my car from a parking lot, I always try to stop and say: "Will this matter a year from now? A month from now? A week from now?"  And will I even remember it? That helps. 

If a thing (camera, car, window, light, etc.) is lost, stolen or damaged I get to swear out loud for ten seconds and then I remind myself that none of this will really affect the core parts of my life. None of this will put me in existential danger. None of this is irreplaceable. I grab a check book or a credit card and replace the important things but I also view loss as a new offering of choice from the universe, letting me gracefully bow out of owning too much. I don't have to replace everything that goes missing.

When it comes to making decisions I tend to research very quickly, confer with experts and then make quick decisions. I don't mull over important stuff for long. When my dad needed to go into memory care I asked his team of doctors for their recommendation for the best facility in town. When I saw a consensus I immediately moved forward. When a friend had center chest pains, too much fatigue and a tight jaw I didn't stop to debate it or research it or worry about whether someone's insurance would cover it. I called 911. He did have an M.I. He got seen within 30 minutes and enjoyed a good, fast recovery. Indecision in a situation like that is life threatening. But most of the time indecision is just a waste of time. When my dermatologist found a cancerous spot on my cheek we were heading toward Moh's surgery as fast as we could schedule it. Procrastination is more expensive, I think, than not making the absolute best decision.

But as my spouse might tell you, if I go out to look at new cars in the morning I'm generally driving home in my choice that afternoon. 

I'lll never be as wealthy as friends of mine who worked early on at Dell. Or the one's who've clocked 20+ years at Apple. But it's folly to compare oneself with a tiny outlier cohort; especially if you already have more than you really need. I can be as happy driving an inexpensive car as I can be driving a Bentley or a Maserati ---- as long as there's something good playing on the sound system. After swim practice one day I was complaining to a well $$$ compensated friend about how hard it was to make good airline reservations to secondary market cities. He looked at me for a second, almost curiously, and asked, "You still fly commercial?" I reminded myself that I should consider myself fortunate just to be able to go wherever I want. Even if it means flying at the back of coach/economy. In photographic terms it means I'd be just as happy photographing with an old Nikon D700 as I am shooting with a Leica.

So, when it comes to photography I think it's a gift to be able to "see" a shot quickly. Intuit a good composition at speed and to be decisive enough to get what you want in that very moment. To take decisive action. It's the same when it comes to approaching strangers in the street to ask if they'll stand still for a portrait. You have to be decisive and once you've made your decision you need to immediately act upon it. March right in. Smile and sell your desire to portray the stranger and then get it done. Procrastination will rob you of your strength and courage.  And opportunity.

Ambiguity is harder. You don't know what you don't know and you don't always have a path to figuring things out. But you can always control how you'll respond to ambiguity. You can ask for clarity. You can do your due diligence and research. You can get clarity from a mentor or an expert. But you can also decide that there is nothing that needs to be done in the moment and you can dismiss the need to have clarity and move on to solving something else more concrete. That gives you control too.

One thing that seems to trump situations of ambiguity is to have a firm set of rules you follow that are more or less about ethics and morality. Also, taking "feelings" out of an equation and looking at pure facts is so helpful. For example, you may love the house you bought with your spouse 25 years ago but you might do better now in a place that's closer to more friends and family. Not so isolated. But the nostalgia of place could be hampering your decision to move on. Separating the feelings from the facts of your situation is enormously helpful. Selling the old house might mean you can garner more financial security by putting the proceeds into savings, finding a smaller house or apartment closer to friends and family, and start harvesting the benefits of an improved social network. But the ambiguity or overlay of sentiment clouds the decision making and leads one to think of the situation as one with no right answers. Or nothing but bad choices when that's almost never the case.

Finally, the core of anxiety and depression is loneliness. It's interesting to think about as we age. B has been down in San Antonio for weeks at a time this Spring, taking care of her mom. A fall led to a bout in the hospital and some time in skilled nursing care. B is working with her siblings to help their mom safely manage living back in her home. It's the right thing to do for her mom. But it means I'm here by myself for the first time in my long adult life. I thought loneliness would be difficult to deal with. But it seems there is a network here of my friends which has instantly rallied with dinner invitations, coffee drinking dates, happy hours, long walks together and, of course swimming. 

I missed a couple of days in a row of swim practice as I waited for someone to nurse my refrigerator back to health, and as I added more strength training (a lone pursuit).  My mail box and my phone were jammed with messages demanding to know if I was alright. If I needed anything. If they could help. When I showed up for the next workout one of the coaches asked me where I'd been. Was everything alright? Was there anything he could help with?

This, the social network, is the antidote to encroaching loneliness and as I age I find that you actually have to make the effort to keep engaged. It's a reciprocal practice. And a good one to get into. 

When I have the chores all done and my work for the day complete I find that it's also very, very restorative to take a camera and go out walking. Just about anywhere works. And just about any camera works. Being out in fresh air and moving your body is medicinal, especially for one's mental health. Smiling at strangers. Saying "hello." Marveling at so many things that have changed in the landscape from a week ago. And the delightful thing, at least for me, is that walking with a camera is non-competitive and costs nothing. Well, nothing but the occasional cup of coffee. Or a donation for that guy who plays the drums on Congress Avenue with his beautiful little dog named, Nana. 

You can play life two ways. You can be grateful for everything you have, and appreciate all the people in your life or......you can be in constant despair. I know for sure which one is the most fun. For more on the second path go find a copy of the "Winnie The Pooh" and review the sections about Eeyore. Who really would like to be Eeyore when being Pooh seems so much more fun?

I can be sad that I can't lift 200 pounds over my head. But I'm happy I can lift 100 pounds for now. I may never get to 200 but I most likely don't need to. I will most likely not get that cover shot on Rolling Stone Magazine but I also most likely will always enjoy taking photographs, if only just for myself. 

Vacations? I've been on one long, happy, relaxing, fun vacation almost every day since I graduated from UT. And maybe for years before then as well. Being happy in the moment and grateful in the moment is the real secret. And, for the most part, the best stuff is free. All it takes for me to smile and be happy is to see a warm look of love in B's eyes. Then, I am rich and fulfilled beyond compare. 

Just a few thoughts on a Sunday morning. Damn....it's beautiful outside. 

Now it seems like good marketing to broadcast that your truck is a hybrid. 

But a decade or two from now this will be an oddity of the past as all trucks

will most likely be electric. Or maybe nuclear powered. Who knows?

I was looking at WotanCraft camera bags the other day. They look so

canvas-y and rugged. I wanted one but they don't have a USA dealer and

I'd have to order one online and deal with customs. But why would I when this bag above is so great?

finally. I've managed it. I kept both eyes open!!!

Introducing: My New Hat. Summer is rushing towards us...

I'm renaming my camera: The Long Dynamic Ranger. 

Just go be happy and stop whining. Something my high school coach probably said.

More than once.