Things are calming down here. Just getting ready for a big freeze. Still freaked out about last year's big ice storm.

With the help of friends and a good therapist I think I'm getting over my initial shock of the violent attack I witnessed yesterday. And the aftermath. An interesting thing came up in my post event session with the trauma expert. After the ambulance left the scene and the police took my statement about the attack I continued on making images of downtown buildings for the project that brought me there that morning. 

I worked for about half an hour until I was sure I got what I needed for the upcoming composites. I was strangely calm and focused on my work. No shaking hands. No paranoid surveillance. No deep emotion. Of course I fell apart the minute I got home but leading up to that, while working on the project, I was....stoic. 

Since I'm usually an emotionally reactive person I brought this temporary stoicism up with the psychologist I worked with. "Ah." He said, "You were experiencing disassociation. It's probably why you were able to help out in the moment as well." Interesting that one's mind can repress emotional reactions for a time. He was happy to hear that I broke down, emotionally, later, when I got home. Being disassociated for long periods is a mental health issue, for sure.

I will say that photographing buildings while walking back to my car gave me time to just keep my hands busy and my mind distracted from what I had seen while my subconscious tried to understand it. The human brain has some neat tricks up its sleeve. 

I spent last night eating Fettuccini Alfredo, having a glass of red wine, and watching a movie that Ben gave me a while back. It was Ben Stiller's "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty." One of my favorites.  I slept fine last night with no bad dreams. Still amazed by that. 

This morning I was intentional about doing my usual routine. I made coffee, toasted super bread, ate it with peanut butter and apricot jam and then gathered up my stuff and headed to swim practice. It was cold this morning and clouds of steam rose off the pool. I swam in lane five with one of my usual, daily swim partners and felt good in the water. The workout was a brisk hour and it felt so right to be back in one of my happiest places. 

I took down yesterday's post because I didn't relish seeing it every time I did blog maintenance or posted a new blog post on the site. I'd like to put yesterday in the rear view mirror. Seems thinking about photography is a good way to do it. Also, planning for a multi-day, deep freeze next week keeps me occupied as well. 

I want to thank everyone who responded to yesterday's post with comments, personal emails and phone calls. All of your kind thoughts were very helpful. I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. And if some anxiety crops up here or there I have a good support network of professionals and friends to get me back on the right path.

My photo project is moving right along. The NYC art director I'm working with wrote this morning to tell me she thought the portraits were great and that she'd just defer to my vision for the backgrounds to composite. All good news. 

I now know for sure that I am not a photojournalist by anyone's imagination. All through yesterday's event I never touched the camera that was hanging around my neck. Too immersed in the moment. 

Now out prepping the garden for an hour or two for the coming harsh weather . Would love to save at least a few of the succulents and cacti that B. has been working so hard to nurture. 

Thanks everyone. Now let's move on. Photography is a lot more fun to write about.