A disturbing photograph for a disturbing play.

Set up shot for a dark and disturbing play called, "Keely and Du".


Not every play can be light-hearted and whimsical.  Well,  I guess they could but it would be like eating donuts at every meal;  the fun, donut-ty-ness of the experience would wear thin and the woozy hypoglycemia would get old quick.  This was a publicity photograph for the play, "Keely and Du" which was about an older couple who posed as helpful counselors but were, instead, fanatics who kidnapped a pregnant girl and chained her to a bed in their basement to prevent her from getting an abortion.

Let me say from the outset that I won't let this blog get bogged down in politics or reactionism from either side of the ethical/moral issues.  I'm just here to talk about the actual photograph.

We were looking for something a bit disturbing and something a bit graphic to draw people into our ad.  We were reaching out to an audience with an appetite for challenging theater and this was certainly a challenging piece.

After years of trying to get people to smile or look pleasant I came to realize that getting just the right "disturbing" look takes a good actor and a good amount of collaboration and consensus.  We set up a large, Balcar umbrella (60 inches) with a baffle diffuser  as our main light and put it over to the left of camera.  In a rare break from my tradition I actually used an active fill on the other side rather than a reflective panel.  I wanted to keep the fill small and contained and used a small umbrella on a very low powered battery powered strobe and was careful to make sure that the actor on my right blocked the fill light from the younger actor's face so I could get the deep shadow area.

I shot with a Hasselblad 200 series camera with a 150mm f2.8 Zeiss Planar onto Agfapan 100 film, rated at ISO 50 and pulled about 10% in the development.  Even though the image was intended for the theater I still printed mostly on fiber paper.  This was printed on Ilford Multi-grade double weight paper and selenium toned in a very small dilution for a terribly long time.  I usually delivered an 11x14 inch master print if we knew that the image would be used in a four color reproduction.

I continue to search out these kinds of projects because it's so much more challenging than "shooting fish in a barrel."  I find that pushing outside the bounds of "popular" is a method to make your brain and your point of view flexible.  And I'm always reminded that mighty oaks are inflexible and can be uprooted by strong wind.  More flexible trees are harder to uproot because they bend with the wind.

Busman's holiday. It's like a Sunday but I have nothing to rant about....

I don't know about you but after a long, tough week of commercial photography and swim meets and weddings and videos nothing relaxes me quite like a nice hot stroll thru downtown Austin with a favorite camera and lens.  When I go out walking there's really no agenda.  No picture quota.  No pressure to come back with something "fantastic".  I just walk and wander and get my camera feet wet.

I started my walk around 3:30 pm over by Flip Happy Crepes, just south of the river.  The tables and chairs always seem to have otherworldly colors that make me happy.  Then I crossed over the pedestrian bridge and I was happy I was paying attention to my space because I got to watch kids jumping off the arches of the next bridge over and into Town Lake.  Some were jumping from thirty or forty feet in the air. Their insouciance was palpable and their unrestrained joy at risk taking made me a bit envious.

I stumbled through the west side of downtown and stopped at Jo's on 2nd street for an ice tea.  It was in the high 90's outside and the ice tea gave me a bit of brain freeze for a couple of minutes.  Hasn't happened to me in a while.  I swung around to Six Street and made my way back up to the Whole Foods Store on Lamar Blvd.

I was using my Olympus e30 with a 14-35mm f2 SHG lens on the front.  I didn't see many interesting people and all the buildings are starting to look the same to me.  A sure sign that it's time to travel some more.  I'm really longing to get back to Rome or Milan and meander through crowds of tourists and Italians, hunting for good images.  But that can wait till the Fall when the crowds thin out and the prices fall.

What I wanted to see today was if there really is magic in the SHG lens.  Problem is, during most of the walk there was nothing to aim the magic at.  Goes back to what the Zen guys say,  "The harder you try the more distant the reward."  The combination of the heat and the holiday put the downtown dynamic on hold, but that's okay. Just the walking is also part of the creative process.

I had a contemplative walnut, oatmeal, chocolate chip cookie and a small coffe with milk at Whole Foods and chatted with an old friend.  Then I continued the return phase of my walk.  The part where your car seems much further away than you remember.  On the way there I walked past a green wall that shields a construction site.  Young trees were planted at skimpy intervals along the temporary, plywood wall.  At last.  Something I could sink my camera into.

And so I did.  And I'm happy with what I shot.  I love the saturated green and the skinny trees.  I had a conversation with a friend who's life is very, very different from mine.  He's very successful in his field and very well thought of.  We've made different choices.  Neither of us has made the wrong choice, just different.  I can't imagine having a real job.  Having a schedule beyond the capricious and mercurial schedule of a freelance photographer.  I can't imagine eating lunch in my office every day or not being able to "call it a day" when I'm bored or tired.

I imagine my friend can't imagine a life where you don't really know if, or from where, next month's money will come from.  Whether or not clients will emerge, just in the nick of time.  Whether or not the checks will come in time to make the next mortgage payment.  Not knowing if what you've saved for the kid's college education will cover the real costs.  Whether your idea of art will find a market.  And much more.

I chose a life of insecurity and freedom.  He chose a life of security and responsibility.  Neither is perfect and yet there isn't really an intersection either.  There's no way either of us can now trade for the attributes of the other's experiences even if we wanted to.  It's too late for me to become a famous brain surgeon or corporate attorney.  To cash in and become truly secure.  It's too late for him to have the kind of extended adventures and close calls that only youth can survive.

One way is black.  One way is white.  Intermixing them is a fool's errand diluting both sides and, in the end, yields nothing of real value.  There's no way of knowing which fork of the road is the one that will make you happiest.  There are no wrong choices.  The only regret is not making a choice.

I really believe that one can't be an artist without being strongly opinionated.  That doesn't mean you constantly argue with people.  It means you don't argue with yourself.  You know how a thing should be.  You make things the way they should be.  That's all you can do.

Whatever your choices, I hope you have a great week!  Kirk