Friday, February 19, 2016

Innovation good? Innovation bad? Or is endlessly coming up with new ways to do the same old thing just and exercise in futility?

Portrait of Anna. Old camera. Same old lighting. 
At lest I took the time to use some lights...

I've got a bone to pick with CBS. Yes, the broadcast company that distributes television programming. That's the one. For about eight years now they've produced a show called, "The Big Bang Theory." I don't care if you like it or hate it (but I'll question your taste if you truly hate the show....) but for all its years as one of the top ranked shows on network television they've shot it in the accepted situation comedy format. Bright and ample lighting that's well designed and unambiguous, simple sets and conventional camera shots with nice reaction shots. I would't swear to it in a court of law but I'd bet the style was set in the first season by a DP who shot film.

The show never varied its formula until they slipped, tripped and pissed me off last night. In one foul/fell swoop they ditched their lighting formula and replaced it with the dreariest light imaginable. I can just see the meeting where this happened. It was probably a network executive's nephew, right out of film school on the West Coast, who started the meeting with something along the lines of: "Why are we still lighting the shit out of this show? With all the superb low light cameras on the market right now we could be shooting this almost available light and it would be really cool." The selling implication being that they could lay off most of the lighting crew, sell off the fixtures and shoot the whole thing at ISO 10,000 on a Sony A7S2  and not lose a single audience member. It's the same argument I hear over and over again from photographers who are afraid to light and don't understand the value of creating a lighting design. 

So what started out as lazy practice (not learning how to light) which was then made "acceptable" by the introduction of cameras that could make noisy-less photos at really high sensitivities. Never mind that the light was orange on one side of the face and green on the other, or that the lighting was ugly or misrepresented the acting talents. It didn't require work or knowledge or good taste and nearly all of those things cost money. 

But the director or producer of the Big Bang Theory took the whole imbroglio one step further and presented the flattest, darkest footage I've seen on TV. Even worse than House of Cards!!!  It was like the whole episode was shot in S-Log something and never color graded. Heads merged into underlit backgrounds arms merged, tonally, with furniture and the whole thing looked like a turgid mess. 

Much as I love the writing on the show, and the character of Sheldon Cooper (whom I seem to have met over and over again while attending the University of Texas College of Electrical Engineering) I was ready to turn the show off entirely. Instead, in a state of quasi surrender, I just closed my eyes and listened to the dialog (which was also comparatively overcooked --- probably by the same film school wizard...). 

If anyone who reads this knows anyone at CBS, please send them this blog post so they will know that doing away with good lighting is like doing away with oxygen, ketchup for french fries, cream for coffee, music in cars, five pocket jeans, and icing on cake. They should wake up from their stupor, walk down the hall and have the young snot that perpetrated this disaster caned in the traditional Singaporean style. Then they should make him watch his own dreck-y concoctions over and over again (ala A Clockwork Orange)  until he (or she) understands the flattened and undifferentiated nastiness of their parsimonious decision making and repent. 

When laziness becomes a codified style it's time for a nasty little revolution. 

Funny, today I heard a story from a film maker whose client took them to task for delivering noisy night time footage. I asked why it was noisy and, with no sense of irony or absurdity, my storyteller mentioned that the particular footage in question was shot at 5,000 ISO. Didn't anyone think to rent some god damned lights? You don't need stuff to "look" lit in order to raise the lux levels. But since you are already doing some work would it kill you to give your light a little direction? Aid with some nice modeling? Create some texture? Etc. I didn't think so. 

Something does not become "art" just because you've become too lazy to do your job right. Grab that little snot at CBS and rap him on the knuckles with a mean nun's ruler ----- because he's doing the same thing to your tender eyeballs. 

Sometimes it's just fun to rant.



Starting a project with one camera and one mind but finishing up the project with a whole different species of camera and outlooks...

This image was taken in the very first Half Priced Bookstore in
central Austin. It was taken 36 years ago with a
Canonet QL17iii. It is attached, tangentially, to this blog
because it is of a child surrounded by books. 

I've been taking photographs at a school nearby for the last three days. It's a client I've worked with for four or five years now. I like them. They have a good way of working; at least as far as I am concerned. We have a conversation about what they would like to end up with (nothing too specific) and after we talk they give me a badge and leave me to my own devices. So, I'd like to discuss the whole idea of devices and how they (cameras) get selected and used for projects like these.

What we're basically doing is providing fresh visual content for the school's website, annual report and basic marketing media. The school needs images of students from kindergarten to eighth grade, and they would love to have a wide range of student situations. Everything from group participation in robotics to basketballs games at recess. From fingerpainting to classes in Mandarin Chinese. 

This year also marked the completion of a new wing of the main school building which added about 32,000 square feet of classroom and library space. So, of course, the school wanted images of the interiors, complete with students in place.

Part of the assignment was to be aware of the need for some of the images to go up large. Like four feet by six feet large for wall mounting in the new addition. And at first it was this parameter that led me to initially choose to work with bigger, Nikon D750 cameras and a smattering of high performance lenses, including the 24-35mm and 50mm Sigma Art lenses.  As an afterthought I tossed the Sony RX10ii into the bag and dropped an extra battery for that camera into my pocket. The bag was heavier than my last time out during which I had used the Olympus EM-5 cameras and lenses.

When I got to the school on Monday morning I started shooting with the Nikons and the 24/35mm and a Nikon 24/120mm lens. I chose the Nikon 24/120 as my primary shooting lens partially for the range but also for the image stabilization as well as the high central sharpness of that lens. I used the 24/35mm in a more immersive way by getting closer to the people I was photographing and shooting wider.

The days were partially unstructured because that's the nature of photographing in a school. I would drop into classes; from kindergarten to eighth grade, wait for the initial furor of something new (me) to die down and then shoot like a fly on the wall --- or a roving surveillance camera. I tried to isolate small groups of students from their cluttered backgrounds and to generally get images that were upbeat and positive. Images that expressed the comfortable and professional ethos of the school.

At times when the situation was right I would dip into the camera bag and pull out the Sigma 50mm 1.4 Art lens and use it for a series of shots. I also pushed myself to try and get closer with the 24-35mm Art lens to get a more immersive feel. But, to be honest, I'm not there yet with wide angles for freeform documentation and I ended up defaulting to the wide ranging zoom lens, and then the Nikon 85mm. The 85mm 1.8 was my comfort zone because I could isolate one student, drop out annoying backgrounds and also have vague shapes of other students in the backgrounds.

But for all my good and intellectual intentions in using the big, full frame cameras, something odd started to happen in about the middle of the second day of shooting. I would look down at my hands and find that the little Sony RX10ii had snuck in and displaced the bigger cameras. I could almost swear it was a subconscious series of choices. But, however it happened, I would find myself staring through the (very nice) finder of an EVF camera and having more fun.

I didn't mean for it to happen. I had packed along the small camera just for grins. Perhaps to shoot a personal shot or two as I spent the day going up and down stairs and in and out of classroom. I fully intended to "lean on" the prodigious low light capability of the D750s and the razor sharpness of the Art lenses (which I have paid dearly for --- but not as dearly as older Leica lenses...). I intellectually understand the benefit of the bigger pixel wells on the bigger cameras and the boost to quality that they theoretically provide. And it's not like I'm rationalizing out of a deficit of real choices. But, if we are to face facts (for me) then I must admit that the Sony RX10ii is just a heck of a lot more fun (for me) to shoot with.

I've said it many times before but it's the tight link between what I see in the electronic viewfinder and what I eventually have to work with on the screen of my computer that makes the camera so useful. That, along with a flexible and fast lens, and very good image stabilization, make the camera quite fluid to use. And here's a point that's a bit more complicated to make but I will try to make it nonetheless....

For some reason the review images that come up on the Sony's two screens are more accurate as a measure of what color and, even more importantly, what exposures I can expect from the files after I've shot them. Many, many times, with a wide range of traditional DSLR cameras, I've shot images and reviewed the results on the rear screen and found them to be right on the money when viewed on camera. The happiness seeps away quickly, however, when I load the same files into my very well calibrated computer and review them in Bridge or Lightroom. When I do this the images can be all over the underexposure map. Some are delicately underexposed while others are massively underexposed. You can tell me till you are blue in the face that it's because the camera is showing me "protected" Jpegs but that the Raw files have more headroom, etc. etc. but the cold, hard truth is that when I pull in files from images made with the Sony RX10ii (reviewed on either the back panel or the EVF) the exposures are a much closer match between camera and monitor. Much closer.

Once a camera proves itself to be a nice match (review wise) for your post processing system you logically have more trust in the overall system and that trust enables you to shoot in a much more fluid manner. If you can see through a trusted EVF that an image will be darker or lighter than you intended then you can correct it as you are shooting. Even at times when I've stopped shooting to review images on the DSLR cameras there is still the frustration of not knowing exactly how much darker an image will be in real life.

Just my observation here but I think people are NOT embracing mirrorless cameras just because they are SMALLER but because they get better exposure and color results from having monitors and cameras that represent more of a closed and harmonious system. The general shooter may not even realize the reason for their preferences, at first blush. But after shooting with the constant pre-review of their images for several months few, if any, are willing to give up an EVF for the dubious pleasures of the traditional camera system.

With files from the Sony RX10ii I found myself applying plus corrections of about 1/3 to 1/2 stop to achieve a bright and well balanced final photograph. This is from initial exposures based on the camera's review images or preview images. On the same job, in the same light, with the same subjects, I found myself having to apply nearly a full stop of plus compensation in Lightroom to match the same results with photographs from the DSLR cameras. And while both the RX10 and its newer sibling, the RX10ii seem to agree on the various screens, as far as color and exposure are concerning, each of the three Nikon cameras I used had its own particular exposure bias. The worst being the most expensive and the best being the older, used D610 I've held on to.

It's embarrassing to have been a photographer for as long as I have practiced the profession and not be able to predict, effectively, how the image, which looks so good on the back panel of various DSLR cameras, can be so different and variable when translated onto the screen of a 27 inch monitor.

Whatever the cause I found myself making more and more images on the Sony than on the Nikons. At the end of three days I'd logged about 2600 frames on the two Nikon cameras and about 1700 frames on the new Sony. When I got into post processing the amount of time I spent correcting Sony images was roughly half (per image) compared to the Nikon images.

Now, I won't argue that an optimally exposed, full frame image from any of the Nikon cameras I own will have somewhat better tonality and less noise than the files coming from the camera with the much smaller sensor. I only wish there was a logical way to give a numeric measure to the difference in quality and, even more importantly, some way of estimating if the percentage of difference in final use was even worthwhile.

I am sure that the well exposed images from the Nikons will make more convincing wall size posters but I am equally sure that more people won't really see the difference at the proper viewing distance. I'm just as sure that the use of the images on the website, and in a printed annual report, will not show much difference in overall quality either. These are no longer the days in which the cheaper, smaller cameras are plagued with poor fine detail, ratty color and very limited dynamic range. In fact, the sensor in the Sony might be the most advanced technology among the sensors in all three Nikon cameras and the ONLY differentiation in quality is due COMPLETELY to the actual size of the imager and the quality of the lenses (and their tight tolerances in relation to the sensor...).

I'm not in the business of delivering the best of the technically best images to my clients. I am in the business of translating marketing ideas into photographs. If one camera makes the process easier, more fluid and more transparent, it goes a long way to mitigating the technical supremacy of another (less facile) camera choice.

There are two advantages I saw in using the Nikon D750 for this sort of work: One is the absolutely superior depth of field control ---- in one direction. That direction being the amelioration of background detail. The second is the smoother and more detailed way the files handle higher ISO situations.

The disadvantages of the D750 are more plentiful in comparison to the Sony RX10ii: The cameras with their attendant lenses are much, much bigger and heavier. The focus accuracy is not always ---- optimal and I'm getting a bit tired of AF fine tuning thousand dollar lenses. The visual feedback loop (on camera file review) is medieval, at best. The need to either change lenses often or work with multiple cameras; each with its own lens, is a cumbersome burden and one best left back in the 20th century.

This is not Kirk saying that the Nikons are gone, banished, and traded. Not yet. Not by a long shot. As long as there are clients who want big files and all the attendant quality I'll be holding on to what I've got now. As long as I enjoy making and looking at portraits with sharp eyes, soft ears and unidentifiable backgrounds I'll keep shooting with fast, long lenses on full frame cameras. But I can only think that Nikon and Canon are insane for not offering all of the benefits of electronic viewfinders and accurate review mechanisms. I'd buy a D5 in a heart beat if it sported Leica's SL EVF. You can give me all kinds of reasons why an EVF will never work for you, ever, but for me it's a great tool that aids in providing massive gains in imaging productivity.

Jobs like this, where I experiment to a larger degree with different cameras, are a win-win for clients because we come back with more content, more choices and more photographic differentiation. They are a net lose for me since I am able to see, first hand, the foibles of the tools and also endure the sheer quantity to images I end up processing.

I am beginning to expect that I am, at heart, an image hoarder since I hate to throw away various iterations of a file. This is the first job in a while on which I shot more than 100 GB of raw files and then sat down and processed the majority of them. I hope my next job is all about getting one perfect image. Yeah, right.......






One of the original Craftsy Photo Classes and 
still one of the best! 

I met Lance a couple of weeks ago in Denver
and found him to be really fun and knowledgeable 
this class reflects what he teaches in hands-on
workshops in Ireland and Iceland, as well as 
cool places around the U.S.

How to make what we shoot into a cohesive
train of visual thought.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Hard Drive Shuffle. Here today, here tomorrow.


We're in the season now. The jobs are flying through the door. And I'm watching the "gas gauges" on the hard drives starting to head toward zero. One of the hard drives on the system is a WB 2TB USB 2.0 drive that's delivered faithful service since 2008. As I ponder higher math I think that means we've been using it going on eight years. Pretty astounding. We've got one other that's nearly the same vintage. Never a sick day or complaint. But, at some point, a hard drive deserves to go into retirement...

I recently bought two more drives. They are WD, 4 TB USB 3 drives. I have high hopes for them as well. They'll join two earlier 4 TB hard drives and two, fast, Firewire 800, 7200, 2 TB G-Tech drives. I use the G-Techs for editing video projects.

When I retire a drive I make sure that critical files are backed up in two other places. Drives this old will have two different sets of DVDs as file back-up and, what I noticed when looking through the directories, there are a lot of duplications, or back-up files, shared between the two "more mature" hard drives.

The other thing I do is to print out the directory for each hard drive and attach it to the chassis. That way, if all other back-ups fail, I'll have a decent chance of finding older files on those rare client re-requests. To preemptively answer all my geek-readers, "yes, I know I am supposed to spin up the retired drives about once a month to keep them in working order!" Thank you.

So, I currently have about 20 Terabytes of storage hanging off my machine and that should last me through 2016 but I wonder if there's not a better way to do this. I don't mean some big, RAID rack but something more elegant... Hypercube memory? What's out there that we'll be using in five years while we laugh derisively about those "old hard drives..." ????

On another topic: 

I have been using the Sigma 24-35mm f2.0 Art Lens on a D750 for the last two days and I must remark about two things. One is that the lens seems to be as sharp and nano-acuity saturated as one could have hoped for. That's a plus. Second; after using one inch and M4:3 cameras, and their attendant lenses, I have to remark that when used on a full frame camera, even at 24mm, there is not a whole lot of depth of field when you use the lens wide open at close quarters. I found myself dialing down the aperture more often than not. But that's because of the job. Left to my own devices I am looking forward to making some work with both forced perspective AND shallow depth of field. It's a whole new ballgame around here...

Having tasted the 24-35mm Art lens and the 50mm Art lens I understand the value proposition.

One more day at St. Gabriel's and then I get a little down time. Which I will fill with post production....




One of the original Craftsy Photo Classes and 
still one of the best! 

I met Lance a couple of weeks ago in Denver
and found him to be really fun and knowledgeable 
this class reflects what he teaches in hands-on
workshops in Ireland and Iceland, as well as 
cool places around the U.S.

How to make what we shoot into a cohesive
train of visual thought.

Monday, February 15, 2016

"James and the Giant Peach" - A Zach Theatre Production. Photographs from the dress rehearsal.



What a wild and off kilter weekend I had. It all started (as weekends do) on Saturday morning. In my calendar I had inked in a job to do dress rehearsal photographs for a new play at Zach Theatre. It was Roald Dahl's, "James and the Giant Peach".  The show was supposed to start at 11 a.m. so I went to the early swim workout; you know....just in case. 

I grabbed my photo gear and headed to the session. I walked in and the director asked me what I was doing there. Seems that I'd gotten an e-mail back on January 25th (to which I had, indeed, responded...) changing the day and the time of the dress rehearsal to Sunday at 2:15pm. So much for the pervasive myths about my infallibility....

As I headed back home I decided to call my ancient parents in San Antonio. My mom didn't sound good so I changed course and headed the car south onto IH-35. I won't belabor all the medical issues involved but I will say that from the time I got to my parent's home till late Saturday night I spent some quality time on the emergency number for a pulmonologist and I cooked a meatloaf and baked potatoes, and helped with eyedrops, and an errant oxygen machine.  Then I spent a largely sleepless night in a too warm house before going to a pharmacy at first light on Sunday morning for three prescriptions. Back home to cook breakfast and then arrange for a heightened level of in-home care for seniors. 

A new medical assessment gave me some emotional relief so I headed to the grocery store to lay in a bunch of healthy food for the parents and then raced back to Austin, just in time to buy some Valentine's Day stuff for my sweetie, grab the already packed bag of cameras, and head back over to the theatre. 

Yes, in the real world we artsy photographers also have to be emergency parental responders and caretakers. It's an interesting role; especially so for the borderline narcissist in most of us...

So, now we're back in Austin on Sunday early afternoon and we're actually shooting in the very first theater I worked in for Zach Theatre nearly 27 years ago. They call it the Kleberg Theater. One of three theaters on the Zach campus. 

I packed two lenses: The Nikon 24-120mm f4.0 and the Sigma 50mm Art lens and used them both. I put them each on a 24 megapixel, full frame, Nikon body, set both bodies at ISO 3200 and blazed away. I liked everything that came out of both cameras. It souped up nicely in post production and the noise was almost non-existent. 

I jumped straight into post processing when I got back home. I wanted to get it all nailed down by 7pm so I could make a couple of ham, gruyere and carmelized onion pizzas and also open a nice bottle of champagne to celebrate Valentine's Day with the CFO of the VSL. And Studio Dog. (Studio Dog was clearly miffed that I had not alerted her to my Saturday schedule change!!!). 

The small theater is so much more intimate than the big, Topfer Stage. I could get  within a couple of feet from the cast and shoot with much wider lenses, which is so much more immersive!!!!! I loved it. It was a fun experience after so much theater production shooting from mid-way up the house, dead center, in the giant theater. More like this, please! 

I always think of myself as a medium telephoto proponent but I have to say that the images l liked best from this (astoundingly excellent) production were the ones where I was so close I felt as though I was part of the cast. Wide angle all the way. In context, the 50mm felt long in this venue. 

I got up early this Monday morning, brushed my teeth and brushed away the effects of too much Champagne the night before. Then I grabbed a coffee and headed out on assignment. I was gone by 7 a.m. Off to photograph at St. Gabriel's Catholic School, where I had my first break-in sessions with the Sigma 24-35mm f2.0 ART lens. I may never take it off one of the big Nikon bodies. It's amazing. But more about that after I post process all the school files on Thurs. Till then I can just say that everything I saw on the back panel reviews exceeded my expectations and seemed to deliver the ultimate in spirited nano-acuity. I am tired but looking forward at two more long days of photographing at the school. 

Hope your week is off to a great start and you celebrated a romantic and happy Valentine's Day. Good times....













Remember, you can click on the images to see them bigger. 





One of the original Craftsy Photo Classes and 
still one of the best! 

I met Lance a couple of weeks ago in Denver
and found him to be really fun and knowledgeable 
this class reflects what he teaches in hands-on
workshops in Ireland and Iceland, as well as 
cool places around the U.S.

How to make what we shoot into a cohesive
train of visual thought.


Sunday, February 14, 2016

Friday, February 12, 2016

Packing for a three day shoot next week, but, "no pressure," it's here in town.

I have no intention to stop writing the blog. 
Sorry if that seemed to be implied in this morning's post.

A year and a half ago I did a bunch of photography for a wonderfully school here in my area of town called, St. Gabriel's Catholic school. Here is the website and most of the photographs on it came from that shoot. I got an e-mail last week asking me if I had any time in the very near future to come back and do some more shooting. It seems that they've expanded the campus and finished up some very nice additions to their already very first class facilities. We'll be making photographs of the students but this time we'll also be working on photographing the students in the context of the architecture. I was able to offer them Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of next week.

It's kind of a dream assignment because the school is in a very affluent area, is well served by the parents, and is in a beautiful location in the hill country, to the west of downtown. The children are wonderful and the staff of the school uses our work well. The one difference this year is that some of the images we create will be printed quite large (think wall sized) and used as display art around the school. In the past the kids were the single most important part of all the photography; in this instance it will be a mix of people and interior design.

We have three days of photography scheduled and, since the additions are new to me, I asked if I could come out and scout. We did that on Weds. The new interiors are very well done. They are modern and open, with very "of the moment" furniture design and lighting fixtures. I'll be spending three full days there so I am also happy to report that the cafeteria food at this school is also well above average. 

With all the basic logistics figured out I sat down this morning to figure out the fun stuff: What to use as camera gear on the job. So, finally, a need for big files. Mostly available lighting, supplemented occasionally  by small flashes. A need for wide dynamic range and great low light performance as well as fast, sure focusing. And a lot of the shooting is dynamic and will be handheld. 

What's my plan?

The Nikon D750 is the perfect combination of features and performance. The D810 is better on paper but since I'll be doing a lot of handholding the extra pixels are sure to get lost in the kinetic mix. To move fast I'll use two D750's, set identically, but with a different lens on each camera. Just for grins I'll put a quick release plate on each body and bring a big, wooden monopod with me to provide a stable platform.  The small flashes are a no brainer and I won't waste time talking about them.

That leaves a selection of lenses. The fun stuff. The lenses are the singular part of every shoot that makes a bigger difference than the number of pixels on the sensor, or the brand on the front of the camera. I decided that this would be the perfect job for a two lens set up, complimented by a few bonus optics on standby, in the bag. 

First up, a wide angle solution. Hmmm. Research, research.... I narrowed down my choices and decided to go with the Sigma 24-35mm f2.0 Art lens. Not a very wide selection of focal lengths but all focal lengths that I use often and understand well. I rarely go wider than 24mm and by the time I crest 35mm I'm really ready to just move on and grab a 50mm. The 24-35mm is big and heavy but one stop down from wide open it's probably sharper than anything I've shot with since the old Leica days.

I put the lens on both camera bodies and made sure (with a LensAlign tool) that we didn't need to do any radical micro-adjusting to get a really sharp image and then I used the Visual Science Lab electron microscope to look at the latent photonics test image on the sensor to evaluate the combination's nano-acuity.  The melange passed with flying colors. Much sharper and higher performance than the Zeiss Otus 24-35mm Ostrich lens. Oh, that's right, they don't have a high speed, wide angle zoom... 

It seemed obvious to me that a perfect complement to the Sigma 24-35mm f2.0 Art lens would be the 50mm 1.4 Art lens. I just happened to have a copy which I just happened to have calibrated on both cameras yesterday evening, before dinner, so I dropped that into the bag as well. 

At that point I was seriously wishing Sigma would hurry up and introduce their 85mm f1.4 Art lens to round out the trinity of what should be every working photographers most used trio of optics but that hasn't happened yet. I'll put the Nikon 85mm f1.8 G on the camera and be pretty happy with the combination. But I'll keep my checkbook handy should those rascals over at Sigma get motivated...

The working combo is (at least starting out) going to be the wide zoom on one body and the 85mm on the other with the 50mm 1.4 Art and the Nikon 24-120mm f4.0 zoom in the bag. The 50mm because everyone should always try to use their 50mm for whatever they can, as God and HCB intended; and the 24-120mm for those times when image stabilization is just flat out highly recommended.

Since I'll be moving from class to class, and from building to playground to gym and back to the cafeteria, for six or eight hours a day for three days in a row, the other important consideration is to wear good walking shoes. And since the boys wear coats and ties to class I think I'll go with the sartorial flow and do so as well. That makes my shoe selection the Timberland Oxford classics. in cordovan. 

Now, how to pack? Hmmm. Seems like a situation for an Airport Security roller case from Think Tank. 

The icing on the cake? The school provides really good coffee to faculty, staff and photographers all day long. Seems like a good way to spend the better half of a week. We'll see how the gear selection survives initial contact with the assignment. 


Changing gears is sometimes about hitting a wall and realizing you missed the door.


I have a persona on the web. To some I am a techie guy who has a typical liberal arts education, has had some modest successes over the years as a commercial photographer and who has parleyed the fear and boredom of the years from 2007 to 2012 into a modestly successful bout of book writing and, by extension, blog writing. Most of my readers know that I swim, that I have one child, a dog and a wife of some 35 years. I've tried to keep my political viewpoints out of my public writing and I've worked to keep my views about religion personal. So, in fact, most people know very little about who I really am or what motivates me to do what I do beyond the usual, human responses to fear and greed.

While walking with my wife and my dog through our quiet neighborhood this morning I found myself taking stock of how my life has changed over the last twenty years. A change that I should have resisted more. Controlled more. In 1995 I felt as though I had a modicum of control over what I did both for a living and as an art. My audiences were the ones I actively attracted by actually meeting them. In person. Face to face. My portraits were made with tools that I loved for a number of reasons. My approach to making the portraits was nearly always predicated on a very personal view of what portraiture should be, not what popular, and every changing markets might dictate.

I had yet to write my first book or type my first blog. My days consisted of making beautiful work (at least I thought it was so), having face to face meetings with clients and friends and colleagues, and then spending many quiet evenings reading everything I enjoyed; from novels to poetry to economics. I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times because it seemed important to be both informed and to have a foot in both political camps for balance.

When photography changed, along with everything else that was touched by the encroachment of the digital hegemony, in the early part of this century, it was like an anchor was cut loose for our art and even the previously codified flow of our everyday lives. The relentless drumbeat from media everywhere was about the unalloyed advantages of "being digital", of being one's own publisher and of being "on" for every cycle. A relentless march to the future that rewarded the media much more than the message, the number of followers more than what was being said or shown. Followers equalled eyeballs, which were connected to mostly functional brains, which were connected to credit cards, the exercise of which could conceivably create new income streams for "artists."

The problem was that the race for eyeballs and money led to unexpected consequences and behaviors. Instead of continuing to do the work I loved the lure of creating media and content that would sell to a mass market was alluring, intoxicating and seemed so much smarter than working in a small and contained market. The trade off, which exists for almost anyone who wants to grow an anonymous market, is that at some point you have to give your audience what they want. Not what you genuinely have to say but what they genuinely want to read. It's an enormous trade off and one that sociopaths have very little problem with. Just separate what you like from what you do for money and off you go. But the issue is a bit more complicated for people who aren't sociopathic and have a warm affinity and attachment for the things that they love to do well. Which for me is meeting people and making portraits.

I was playing around with small flashes and cheap, optical slaves in 2006, about the time that I was active on David Hobby's Strobist site. I did an image of then Dell CEO, Kevin Rollins with the small lights and wrote about it for a magazine. I also posted an article about the nuts and the bolts of the shoot on Strobist. Which led to an offer to write my first book with Amherst Media. I was living the new, social media marketing dream.

But. But. But. The process of writing a book took me away from the ongoing craft of working on portraits. Of shooting and doing what I really loved. The first book took six months to write and illustrate and when I finished with it I told myself I'd never do it again. It took so long. The effort was so concentrated and, worst part, I wasn't moving my art, craft or brain forward, I was crafting an educational resource based on stuff I already knew by heart. But then the book hit and sold very well and it became a focus point for me. People called me to do workshops. They called to interview me. They did all the things an artist with an ego thrives on. They played to my desire to be someone in my field. An expert. Someone who has "made it." And that's the most dangerous and destructive part of moving away from the things you love to embrace a different persona that's inauthentic and not genuine. And most of the attention given to me by web sources was in service of me creating "free" content for them; one way or the other. The interview or the copied blog post.

The ego accepts every offer. And the ego goads the brain to move in the direction that yields the most self-esteem building gratification. More books equal more eyeballs. More validation of your position as a successful and business savvy photographer. But the books required care and feeding. Any publisher will tell you that the writers who are successful are the ones who jump in and help with the marketing of their properties in any way that they can. I proceeded to do my part by writing this blog and flogging the books when I felt like the balance was right.

And all the time the web and technology and the media is ever changing and morphing and the targets are constantly moving. I started trying out new stuff all the time. Moving ever further from my own, innate and satisfying targets from decades before. Digital had killed my tools (or so I thought) and relegated me to a desperate and ongoing search to replace them with (woefully inadequate and homogenous) digital replacements. And all the while my artistic vision was fading. Ever more diluted by my bifurcated searches for general relevance, applause, and a desire to seem relevant within the context of a new generation of imagers. I was trying to constantly keep up with the younger Joneses even though none of them possessed a map to the future either.

I bought my first EP2 on a whim but stayed engaged in the Olympus system partially because of a huge surge of readers who seemed to hang on every word I wrote about the system, regardless of whether it worked for my real, personal vision or not. I never lied or accepted graft but somehow my sense of not only being part of a new community, but also a taste maker within it, kept me buying and writing about cameras that were ancillary to my core aesthetic. My way of seeing images and translating them.

By the fifth book I had come to realize that my "artist self" had been totally sublimated, suffocated and left in cold storage by the combination of income, ego stroking and delusions of using the eyeball base as a market to sell books to. To extend my reach as a "web personality" which might deliver me opportunities.

But the things that keep coming my way are truncated and compromised, to a certain extent. Witness my brief and rocky relationship with Samsung. Was a one week trip to Berlin, in the clutches of Samsung handlers, really valuable enough to make up for using a flawed camera? I could have easily dipped into the business checking account and sent myself to Berlin for a peaceful week of shooting, unencumbered by one dimensional marketing serfs. Some of the cameras were interesting but would I have ever even tried to shoot with a camera that has no EVF or OVF if it had not been offered as part of being in the program? Of course not.

I must seem naive now to so many people who know that there is no "free ride" and that all the web stuff is really just extended B.S., is a massive shift of value from the owner of art to the endless distributors of art waiting for ephemeral payment while the old hands at the aggregators and the many thieves on the internet actually get the payments. In a sense my years of blogging were/are my own form of resistance to just getting my own work done. Shooting those singular portraits I want to shoot for an audience that never, ever came from the web. And still doesn't.

It's interesting to have had all this play out in a public forum. It's like broadcasting potty training. Highly embarrassing at times and in the end it's all more or less poop.

Where does it all end? Well of course, in the grave. But at what point does it dawn on an artist that you've ceased to do your authentic art and you have moved into the more or less "blue collar" job of maintaining a web presence with the hope for tips and affiliate income, and that by doing so you've relegated yourself to modifying what you talk about into stuff you think will have wide interest, including techniques you know by heart and gear that's nothing more than transient entertainment?

Well, at least this confessional outflow is more interesting to me than whether or not the new Pentax camera will have HDR bracketing. Of course, my fear in publishing this particular piece is the very real possibility that I will be writing for myself, alone in the near future.

Ah well. What value is a blog if we can't interject a bit of honesty from time to time?





One of the original Craftsy Photo Classes and 
still one of the best! 

I met Lance a couple of weeks ago in Denver
and found him to be really fun and knowledgeable 
this class reflects what he teaches in hands-on
workshops in Ireland and Iceland, as well as 
cool places around the U.S.

How to make what we shoot into a cohesive
train of visual thought.