4.03.2019

Crap. Somehow I caught a cold, or some permutation of a cold, and now I'm both busy AND miserable....


I hate getting sick. Even more so because it happens to me so infrequently now that I forget how miserable it is to be ... miserable. The whole thing started stealthily. I felt a bit warm around the edges on Sunday evening. By Monday morning I was congested and developing a slight cough. By today I've got a nice cough that only seems to diminish while I'm drinking something; doesn't matter what. Any liquid will do. I tried to play my illness for sympathy from the nuclear family but they weren't interested in foregoing work in order to come running to see what I might need every time I ring the little bell at my bedside. If we had servants I would presume they'd find some reason to call in sick in response. 

The dog was mildly interested in my plight until she realized that I was going to be making coughing noises pretty much all through the day and most of the night. Once she became overwhelmed by my apparent neediness she started moving away from me when I would stumble onto the couch, box of tissues in hand. Not even a jar of dog biscuits was enough to convince her to cuddle up with me and keep my feet warm on the couch. Later on that day my wife suggested that it might be a novel and fun and spontaneous thing to spend the night in the garage, on a cot. Just for grins.

I tried the universal, short term prescription for blasting through head colds and other pedestrian maladies but after three or four cups of coffee at my favorite coffee house I realized I'd spent about $20 on coffee and at least $30 tipping the very attractive wait person. I trudged home nearly penniless and made more coffee in the 34 year old Krups coffee maker that my sister had given us as a wedding present. It was reasonably good but by the sixth or seventh cup my hands were shaking too badly to hold the cup without spilling..... Spicy sushi was even less helpful. 

I spent today doing the only thing I really know how: post processing image files from my photo assignment at Zach Theatre yesterday evening. Now there are 978 happier files and a near comatose keyboard jockey.  But I did manage to send out my second big gallery of the week to my clients at Zach Theatre and we're only up to mid-week. 

I'd been invited to a corporate donor appreciation happy hour at Zach Theatre at 6:00 this evening and I thought the social function would take my mind off my throbbing sinuses (remember that scene in the movie, Alien, where the alien creature hatches out of a crewmember's abdomen? That's how the sinuses in my face and forehead felt. 

I tried to be socially aware and compassionate at the happy hour but I think most people thought it was a bit creepy that I was wearing a big bottle of Purell hand sanitizer on my belt. I would meet someone new and we'd shake hands, then I would let them know about my monstrous head cold and I'd offer a few squirts of Purell in order for them to sanitize their hands. It didn't really play out the way I imagined it would....

....and I can tell you right now that two vodka martinis and some deviled eggs dusted with caviar are no help for encroaching congestion either. But I think I did meet exactly the right talent for a shoot for which I am currently doing pre-production; which also means: getting your ducks in a row. I'll count the happy hour as a rare "win" for this week! 

Of course no one in their right minds wants to swim with Typhoid Larry so I've been out of the water for three whole days. It just serves to compound the misery.
And then there is the annoying reality that everyone has their own, personal cold remedy, which always seems manufactured around the idea of drinking more water during the day than I use in the shower, combined with eating vast amounts of jalapeƱos. No wonder sick people don't stray far from convenient bathrooms. 

After knocking out the web galleries full of actors I settled into my favorite writing chair, grabbed my laptop and got back to work on my book. That, of course is an absolute lie. I did think about it but as far as I got was calling a few friends to bitch about my condition and whine about my ill treatment at the pernicious hands of fate. 

Tomorrow, if I am not bed bound, I need to be in San Antonio to photograph an evening corporate event and set the world's record for just how many cough drops a 63 year old man can suck down to their terminal nothingness before succumbing to cough drop overdoes or the onset of metabolic syndrome. I'm not worried about the camera part; I've done my ten thousand assignments; I'll let the mastery flow out and take care of business while I try not to nod off in a comfortable corner. 

But before I head down to San Antonio I know I'll need to pre-pack for Friday's video shoot. It's a three camera extravaganza and the packing list will probably go something like this:

Three Fujifilm XH-1 cameras 

One box Kleenex brand tissue. 

Four or five lenses.

One box of Sudafed.

Two Wireless Microphone systems.

One bottle of Purell. 

Microphone cables. 

One jar of Vick's Vaporub. 

LED lighting package.

One more box of Kleenex..... Well, you probably get the picture..... I hope I do as well..

The downside of working as a freelance artist is the lack of an "I'm sick and I don't want to work so I'll just call in and tell my boss I'm not coming in" option. My boss is a cold-hearted bastard who's not interested in my sob story; he just wants to see the jobs get done and the EFTs hit the account.  Someday I'll retire and just spend my days lounging but since my boss is in charge of my retirement account, I can guarantee you that we're looking way over the horizon on this one. But can you blame him? He still remembers the 2008-2012 total devastation of the freelance economy..... 

On a lighter note you may have noticed, if you read some previous posts, that I have now seen two technical rehearsals (very tight and proficient) and a dress rehearsal with an invited audience for the Zach Scott production of, "Matilda." I can only say that it is by far my favorite play/musical of the last several years and that I enjoyed each presentation very much. So much so that I can hardly wait to take Belinda to the Champagne opening next week....that is, unless this cold does me in. 


Smoking while trying to recover from a cold is...contraindicated. 

This is what my brain feels like.

Wise Belinda thinks I'll probably survive. I've got life insurance so she wins either way...


There is one cure I tried on many occasions over the past decade to cure various maladies. I could head to Precsion Camera and find yet another lens I don't already own and buy it. Might work, might not but without a double blind test system we may never know about the real healing power of new gear. 


Going to sleep now. Or becoming unconscious due to the Sudafed. 
Beginning to dream of coffees to come......

15 comments:

atmtx said...

Hope you get over your cold quickly. Take care.

Chmosss said...

Make 4oz of strong tea,
Add 4oz of bourbon, or rye, or whatever
Add sugar to taste.
Drink.
You have just finished a hot toddy. You will be better in the morning.
My physician actually prescribed this for me many years ago the night before a very important exam - which I passed,

Michael Matthews said...

Funniest thing you’ve written in years. And the photos as illustrations are perfect. Maybe you can come up with a way to induce this state on-demand, then reverse it when no longer needed.

MikeR said...

Have you considered a backup career in stand-up? This piece is funny! (How can you think when you have a stuffy head. I'm totally useless.)

John Merlin Williams said...

Speaking of San Antonio, have you heard about/seen the new Ruby City Art Centre? Having enjoyed many of your architectural walking-tour galleries, the crimson-color geometric, faceted exterior seems a likely subject for your new 8-16mm Fuji. I don't live in Texas but came across news of it:
https://www.dezeen.com/2019/04/02/ruby-city-david-adjaye-art-centre-san-antonio-texas/

When you are better and can afford to take some time on your regular visits there.

Mitch said...

Self employed photographer. Sick. My experience over a couple of decades is that you get to pick one and have to go with it.

Kirk Tuck said...

Ain't that right? I have few down days for illness. And my cold today isn't life threatening.... but when you are up half the night coughing and trying to get comfortable out on that cot in the garage you get pretty tired and grumpy the next day. At least I won't be operating dangerous heavy machinery. Well, actually, that 16-55mm zoom feels pretty damn heavy today... Fortunately, the miracle cure, coffee is almost universally available. They say that if you drink enough coffee you'll get over your cold in seven to ten days! Pretty exciting, yeah?

Kirk Tuck said...

I would love to do stand up but my experiences in trying to memorize anything are humbling. I think I live funnier than I speak.

Kirk Tuck said...

Had to write it. I feel like I let everyone down this year by not participating in April Fool's Day. Our gallery for the second (and final) rehearsal is up. Only 978 photos. I feel as though I must be slipping...

Kirk Tuck said...

I'll try that on Friday night if the symptoms have not abated. Are you sure it's not just some initiation into a cult of binge drinking?

Kirk Tuck said...

Thanks Mr. ATMTX. I appreciate it. Can't wait to see your first newsletter! And your new book!

bishopsmead said...

Freshly squeezed juice of one fresh lemon, pick off the tree if possible (plus finely grated zest if you like); boiling hot water, make up to a full large coffee mug, add honey to taste; (real honey - not the squeezy stuff), tree flower honey is best (dark and strong flavour) either nispero if you can get it, or avacado. You can also add bourbon or preferably scotch or irish if liked, but don't drive or expect to work after. Hope you get well soon, sending positive vibes . . .

Thomas Backa said...

I do whisky when I want to beat a cold. It won’t cure it by any means but after a number of healthy drams of malt whisky you are able to forget the cold for at least a few hours. Of course, you are not able to do anything useful either.

Bill Bresler said...

Zicam at the first symptoms. Let go of your denial, man. Itchy nose? Start the Zicam. 3 quick sneezes? Start the Zicam. For me, if I start early, it reduces the normal length by 50%. I had vagueish symptoms last Sunday, after being exposed to several runny noses last week, (Grandkids!) and started the Zicam right away. By yesterday I was back to 100%. Shot 2 gigs and other than a little stuffiness, had no problem. I even did a video interview on one of the jobs and my voice sounded fine. I have a physician brother-in-law who claims it's bunk. Placebo effect? Who cares? Works for me.

Anonymous said...

I the efforts you have put in this, regards for all the great posts.

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