My dad passed away today. He was 91. He lived a good, long life and then left it quickly and comfortably. I spent the last 70 or so Sundays visiting and having lunch with him. We spent many weekdays going to doctor's appointments and on errands of one sort or another. We had lots of time to say "Goodbye."
He had no interest in cameras or photography whatsoever. I remember showing him the very first magazine assignment I'd done for Texas Monthly Magazine, at the beginning of my career. The editorial photo spread was printed in black and white. He said (drily, tongue-in-cheek) "Doesn't your camera take color photographs? Do you need mom and me to buy you a better camera?"
I take a camera with me everywhere. This is a photograph I took after a family dinner at Cappy's Restaurant in San Antonio. We were all getting in our cars to head to our homes. The light was nice and I asked him to stay still for a moment. It's one of my favorite portraits of him. I take a camera with me everywhere...
93 comments:
Kirk,
I'm so sorry for your loss, you and your family are in my thoughts.
I'm sorry for your loss, Kirk. You had your dad for 63 years. I had mine for the same amount of time. We are both fortunate.
Your dad and your family are both blessed that he went quickly when his time came.
Kirk,
Glad you had time to enjoy the presence of your father; now probably it looks like too little, but I'm sure that was well spent.
Don't comment here a lot, but you are probably the best Photographer (with capital letter - most don't deserve to be called like it) that blogs nowadays. Me and a lot of people are probably send their best thoughts for you, your family, and your father now.
Good people deserves good thoughts.
Stay well,
Marcio K
Condolences. It is astounding to me that we can lose a parent so late in life and still feel like an orphan despite having a family of our own. Glad you had time to say goodby and had the opportunity to provide such good care at the end.
Hope your grief is replaced with wonderful memories at the earliest appropriate time.
Jim
Kirk -
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your father. If the measure of a man is the character of his children, your Dad was one of the best.
-- Grant
My sympathies, Kirk.
I don't know how it is for you, but at this moment in my life I found myself deeply uncertain. My father, as I knew him, had long since vanished under the influence of dementia, the passing of his body seemed terribly slight, terribly irrelevant.
I did not ever discover when the right time was to cry. I wish you better luck in sorting it all out, but you should know that any mixed feelings, any uncertainty, is if not normal, at any rate shared by one (1) other person out there.
I made a little book of things that he'd taught me, with pictures of things that had been his. It seemed the right thing to do. I like your portrait.
Kirk, my heart goes out to you and your family on your dad's passing. For most of us, parents are those we continue to miss the most. From your past posts, we know he was a very fine guy, which seems to have rubbed off on his son. There will continue to be many fond memories of your times together that will keep coming to you. I think many of us would love to hear some of those memories over time, among your other thoughts on swimming, coffee, photography, and your new adventures in trying to avoid GAS. Great photo of your father!
My sincere condolences. My father died a couple of years ago after several years of slow deterioration in body and mind. You know it's inevitable and sometimes wish for things to be over, but you're never prepared when it finally happens...
Very sorry for your loss. One big regret is not having photographed my father more before he died. I wish peace and comfort for you and your family.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Please know that there are no "right" emotions, no way that you need to be or behave. And no need, nor good purpose, for regrets. You have done well in handling a tough situation, and it is good that you lived close enough to do the things you have done to make the road smooth for him.
Hello Kirk. You and your family are deeply in our thoughts.
It's a strange thing to feel we are orphaned. There's probably a better word, but I can't find it. I once found myself driving right round the country on a whim. Then I realised, oh, it's a year to the day my father left...
Sincere condolences to you and your family. 91 is a good run. May you do at least as well.
Kirk, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Let me know if I can help in any way.
Kirk,
Sorry to hear about your loss. Great portrait of your dad.
Stunning portrait of an admirable man. I love his very subtle smirk :) Both Erna and I send our deepest and heart felt condolences. My mother passed away many years ago and then shortly after my father. It was a weird sensation finally realizing I was no ones "kid" anymore.
Take time to process things and allow yourself time to grieve. No matter how prepared you are it will "hit" you as some point. For me it took over 10 years. But it did happen. Allow the emotions to flow. Our best regards to Belinda as well. I am sure she is feeling the loss as well and also feels your pain.
All our love and hugs,
Eric and Erna
My condolences. I watched as my wife's mom struggled and the passed from Alzheimer's. I know it isn't easy and it was a blessing for the love you showed him until the end. Thank you for sharing your life as well as your photography. Think about and praying for you and your family.
God Bless and sincere condolences to you and your family on your loss. Thank you for sharing over the years your love of your Dad and the hard, but grateful, work you did in caring for him. I come here for the photography but I stay for your insights and commentary on life and things in general. Go and be with your family. It’s what is needed at a time like this. We'll be here when you’re ready.
It's nice to have read how much time you spent with your father in his last years. Enjoy the better memories of it all Kirk.
Good photo of your dad, Kirk. It's a tough loss, even when you've had a lot of time to say goodbye. My dad passed in 1994 andI miss him still. The photos of him, and the attached memories, help a lot.
Be good to yourself. You've carried a heavy load.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I've no doubt he valued your visits as much as you did. That's a great portrait to remember him by.
The long, episodic, informed and embodied goodbye is truly a blessing for both of you. RIP.
So sorry to hear of your loss. The death of a parent is an experience unlike anything else. I wish the best for you and your family during this time.
A lovely photo of your Dad and my condolences on your loss.
Sorry for your loss. I have been lucky in the sense that my parents passed away with all they mental faculties in, but way too early and suddenly. And almost ten years after the loss of my mum, I still feel the pang of pain when a friend goes through it.
Sorry for your loss, Kirk. Your occasional references about going to San Antonio to visit with your father were touching indications of your feelings for each other.
--John Camp
Kirk,
It's a wonderful portrait, one of your best. He was lucky to have a son like you. Remember him well.
Kirk,
Long time follower and first time poster. You have a wonderful gift for sharing yourself, your life experiences. I’m sure that anyone who has been reading your posts for any length of time, will feel a tug at their heart as you share the passing on of your father. Through your words, you honored your father with loving candor. Condolences to you and your family.
Chris K
I'm sorry for your loss, Kirk.
Kirk,
In your blog you have allowed us all to share important parts of your life.
So please allow me to express my condolences on your and your family's loss.
Your father lived to a great age.
May that aid you and your family in your grief, so that each of you will find your new life before too long.
Yes, I think that is a great portrait of your father, and full of life. I can well understand that it is your favourite.
I am glad that you have it.
My condolences to you and your family. There is little we can say to comfort you at a time like this. All I can say is that you are in our thoughts, and judging by all the other comments in many other people's as well. Comfort yourselves in the knowledge that your father passed peacefully and you had the opportunity to say goodbye and maybe much more. In this part of the world there is a saying "He lived a good life and died a good death" meant as a compliment, and I am sure that applied to your Dad. Keep safe and comfort each other. Kind regards George
Heartfelt condolences Mr.T. All that we have seen and heard about your Dad says there was a solid bond and close relationship. Unfortunately once we get into our 60s and even more so our 70s we begin to lose people we care about whether to illness or just old age. No matter how well we prepare for it it still hurts deeply to lose someone like your Dad, "quickly and comfortably" not withstanding.
I do love the comment about your camera not taking colour. Reminds me of my Dad commenting on all the money I was spending on those "tubes" for my camera in the 60s before I left home.
We you faithful readers share your sorrow.
All my best wishes,
Hugh.
It can be a hard time when your parent pass, but having good memories to look back on helps a lot. You and your family will be in our prayers.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hi Kirk,
So sorry about your dad. It's a strange place to be in. I remember when my mom died, my dad had died 7 years earlier, and it was strange to not have that person there. Even though I hadn't been able to count on my parents for anything much in the last 20 years of their lives, it was still an odd feeling, a bit like an orphan, even though I was a middle age man myself. I hope you can maintain a good relationship with your siblings, that will help.
Mike
From all the stories you have told, your Father had a loving family right to the end. May we all be so lucky!
My heartfelt condolences to your family.
So sorry to hear about this. But it was good it was quick and quiet. And excellent you both had a lot to share near the end.
My condolences to you and your family Kirk. Don't worry about blogging for a while, we'll survive. Just know we're all sending good thoughts your way.
Don
Hello,
Some time ago you asked for opinions about Fujifilm X30.
I own one since it was introduced on the market. I have been suffering from GAS, but I’m recovering now:-). (It’s about time now at 81 years of age).
X30 is a camera I always return to:
Excellent handling. A very sharp and fast lens (f/2,8 at 112 mm!). Very fast AF.
One minor flaw though:
The wheel that controls shutter/aperture moves to easily.
You have to be careful not to change the settings unintentionally.
No problem of course if you are aware of the problem.
I’m sorry about your dad.
Greetings from Sweden!
Peter Koeck
Very sorry to hear of your father's passing. Cherish the memories.
Kirk, my condolences on the loss of your Father. You clearly did an outstanding job of making his final days comfortable and surrounded by love. I have little doubt that the man will be dearly missed.
Condolences....
Wonderful spending time together and saying goodbye..
I really got to know and understand my dad, as I grew old(er)..
Enjoy the memories and his life.
My condolences to you and your family.
Doc
My condolences to you and your family. Thankfully, it seems he passed away peacefully.
Sorry for your loss Mr. Tuck.
With kind regards
Piotr
I am sorry for your loss. As you said, he led a good life, but he was your dad, so it's still hard. Glad about hospice. My wife is a hospice volunteer and I know how much it helps at the end.
My thoughts ad prayers are with you and your family. You are very fortunate to have had your dad in your life for a majority of your life.
Kirk,
My condolences to you and your family. I pray you hold on to the beautiful memories of your dad as you mourn and celebrate him.
I love that photograph of your dad. It seems that might have been from the trip when you visited the pool at your high school.
Peace, Tom
Kirk, sincere condolences.
Timo Lindman
With my deepest condolences, Kirk. When I read your simple passing sentence "Hospice is great" a few days ago I knew what I'd read next...just not as soon as today. May your memories of your father be happy ones.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss Kirk. Your dad looks so distinguished in your portrait, and am glad you were able to spend so much time with him at the end.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, especially with Father's Day so close at hand.
Sorry to hear your loss
I am sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss Kirk,your dad and you were lucky to have spent so much quality time together before his passing.
Michael.
Sorry for your loss.
My condolences.
Good job son!
Sorry about your father.
Very sorry for your loss. Aside from your obvious expertise in professional photography; your personal writing has made your regular readers into an extended family. I know we all feel your loss.
Kirk,
I am saddened by your news, but in a way glad that you had that time, close to your father, trying though it may have been from time to time. Parting from one's dad weighs heavy.
Best wishes to you and all of your family.
Murray
My sincere condolances to you and your family.
Many of us may wish we had the resources, freedom of movement, and the dedication to take care of this the way you did over the past year. Take comfort in the fact that you did everything right. Not many can say that.
Kirk, my condolences on the loss of your father. That is a lovely photograph of your Dad, good call on taking it when you did. 91 years is a great lifeline for anyone to experience, made all the more precious by having a son such as you to share it with.
Dear Kirk,
Please accept my most sincere condolences on the passing of your father yesterday. Thank you for sharing your most cherished and memorable photograph of him. On that particular day you managed to capture his essence. He will be missed by all who knew him.
Jim B.
Ottawa
So sorry for your loss. You were fortunate to be able to share so much companionship in his final months.
My condolences to you and your family.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your father, Kirk. It seems you and he had a great relationship through your entire long journey together, and what more can a father and son ask? He'll live on through your memories and some darn good photos too, I reckon.
Respectfully,
Rick
Kirk, I hope you can tell from the number of supportive comments how many lives you and your father have touched. Good on you both.
Terry
Kirk, My condolence to you and yours, ditto on all the posts goes for me as well.
Thankyou Kirk for talking about your father over the last while. I've always checked in here just cause I'm a gear addict and look to you for a fix.
But to be able to look over your shoulder while you approached the inevitable loss of your father has been very moving and very real.
Your portrait of your father is also very real. You look at it and you see love, from both sides.
Thankyou,
Aaron.
I’m sorry for your loss. Best wishes
My sincere condolences Kirk. It's good that you got some regular time with your dad in his final years. It's good that he went quickly and quietly. 91 is a good age and I wish we could all be so lucky. Life is short and then we're gone. I carry a camera everywhere too for the same reason. Take care of yourself and your family, we'll see you on the blog when you are ready. God bless.
A beautiful tribute. Death is the mother, and father, of beauty.
I extend my sincerest condolences to you and your family, Kirk.
I hardly know what to say. I've lost both parents in the last few years. Yesterday I picked up some prints I'd taken of them, from the photo finisher, to send along to some of their remaining old friends. Thank God for photography; it helps us remember the good times. This is really hard, all I can say is hang in there Kirk.
Dale
Your father had a good son.
Condolences to you and family, Kirk! Yes, I will take my camera with me everywhere too.
So sorry to hear for you and your family Kirk.
My dad was of that era, quietly spoken, with a soul destroying bone dry sense of humour, having that Australian gene is always a chilling surprise. I still love looking back at those available light shots of the old man having a snooze in his armchair after “Snooker” at the club.
My srt303b loved him as well.
Hi Kirk
Condolences on the passing of your father.
Regards
Shaun Rautenbach South Africa.
Kirk,
sorry to hear about your dad passing away. My own dad passed away just three weeks ago. He was 87.
Roger
I offer my sincere sympathies and condolences for your loss. The loss of a parent is one we all suffer if we're blessed to live long enough. In my case, my father died when I was 16. I'm now 30 years older than he ever lived to be. My mother is still alive and starting to have trouble remembering who I am. Fortunately, like you, I have photos to help remember and focus on the joys more than the sadness.
Please accept my condolences Kirk on your Father's passing.
You are a major part of his legacy and it is one he is surely proud of!
Kind Regards,
Bruce Bodine
Sorry to hear Kirk.
Johan
Wonderfull!
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Kirk,
Longtime reader of your blog. Sorry to hear about your loss. My sincere condolences to you and your family.
My deepest condolences. The passing of a parent is very hard, no matter how old. Now all you have is his memory twinkling in infinity. Keep the good memories bright.
Dear Kirk,
many condolences to you and the family circle.
Blessing,
Richard
So sorry to read this.
I lost my Dad several years ago. Friends of his tell me I look him, and it makes me quietly happy to hear this. And it also humbles me. We always look up to our fathers.
My condolences Kirk on the loss of your father. Best regards,Neale (Gatineau, Quebec)
My condolences to you and your family. Losing parents just hurts.
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