Tuesday, December 12, 2023
Bye for now. Taking the rest of the year off for the holidays. Enjoy the year end festivities.
Monday, December 11, 2023
Soup. Just Soup. Medium Format Color Transparency Film
No edge notches so it must have been taken with a Rollei 6008i camera and appropriate lens. For some reason I couldn't find the exif information for this one....
My one Christmas wish? Besides world peace? Besides eliminating hunger and disease? Oh that's easy. It would be for either Hasselblad or Fujifilm or some other bold camera company to come out with a digital medium format system built around a 6 x 6 cm sensor. Full frame for medium format. The perfect aspect ratio. At this point I'm not sure I even care about the price. I guess I could always sell one of the cars and get a nice electric bike. But wouldn't it be great to
Last Minute Sales equal Last Minute Shopping.
"Forks next to knives." A more moderate point of view.
Sunday, December 10, 2023
Sunday Afternoon Swimmer's Party. New Lens Ordered. Life on an Even Keel.
We had the annual Holiday Party for our Masters Swim Team today. One of our fellow swimmers hosted it at his home. The party was scheduled to run from 11-3 and was well attended. Coaches were there, tons of swimmers were there. The open bar was there. The catering was there. The sunshine was there (one of those great houses open to the outside with lots of space to mingle and come together in small groups). A groaning dessert table. Tons of healthy side dishes and near endless cheer. It's a favorite party of the season for many of us because we have time to really get to know our fellow swimmers --- and their non-swimming spouses.
What was missing? Negativity. Gloom. Self-pity. Helplessness. Loneliness. Envy. Comparison. Sermons. The ill-used word "should've." And out of shape people.
All of which reminded me of why I swim. Every day. Why I love being around people for whom success and happiness is a daily thing. Not a goal. Just a way of being. Swimming year round in the outdoors, in a sparkling, clean pool, surrounded by happy and seemingly well-adjusted people, is so incredibly therapeutic one wonders why pharmaceutical companies haven't tried to bottle it and sell this kind of joy for a king's ransom.
A bit before 3 we headed home and I found myself looking forward once again to Tuesday morning's swim practice. And another full year of swimming, camaraderie and being able wear the same size pants I did when I was in college. As my doctor routinely says at yearly physicals: "Whatever you are doing....keep doing it." Being in shape may not extend your life at all but it will sure make the time you have a lot more fun. Can't buy that with an Amazon link.
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I finally decided what I wanted the company to give me as a Christmas bonus for all my hard work at the VSL idea and content factory. I talked about it to the boss. I let him know that the Leica 75mm APO Summicron SL was the ticket. He laughed (a bit too derisively) and mentioned that my silly idea of gradual retirement had cost the company tens of thousands of dollars in profits this year. I sat quietly on the edge of my chair, my tattered cap in hand, looking down at my worn socks poking out of my Birkenstock sandals and waited for the next shoe to drop (and me without toe protection). My boss got up from behind his desk and walked to the whiteboard that hangs on the wall to one side of his collection of Napoleon statues and Neville Chamberlain knick-knacks. He pointed to a graph of clients to whom I'd waved "goodbye." And the he flipped over a transparent overlay showing the decline in income caused by my happy enthusiasm about waving ponderous clients "goodbye."
"This!" he said, "This is why you are NOT getting a hopelessly overpriced Leica lens as a year end bonus." And then he hastily drew an image of a lens on the whiteboard. I didn't have the heart to tell him we'd run out of dry erase markers and I had substituted big, bold Sharpies instead. And he said, "After discussing your disappointing performance with the board of directors we decided that you deserve one tenth of what you're asking for. We're done with this discussion. You're getting a Voigtlander 75mm f1.9 M Ultron lens and you'd better enjoy it. That's all. No fruitcakes. No hams. No car battery jump starters. The VM lens is it."
Oh, I'll take the lens. That's for sure. But little does my pompous boss know that I'm the majority stock holder in the company and I'm firing him and the board at Christmas. A clean sweep going into 2024.
In retrospect though, I guess the VM lens makes a lot more sense. It's smaller and lighter. Less bulky. Marginally faster. And thousands and thousands of dollars cheaper. I like M lenses. I can use them on everything from an M camera to SL cameras to a Panasonic S series camera to a Fuji 50Sii. ( They won't cover the Fuji's extended frame but they will sure look cute on the big camera....). I'm hoping to gift wrap it, forget I bought it and put it under the tree so I can open something really cool on Christmas morning. That's the initial plan at any rate. Too late to back down --- it's on the way.
I don't know how we ever got anything done in Decembers past. Seems like one dinner party, reception, opening, gala, fund-raiser and family event after another this time around. Just keeping dinner jackets in decent shape and shoes polished is turning into a chore....
Hope you have happy chores to attend this season. Beats watching football on TV. (How would I know? I've never watched a football game on TV....).
That's my wrap-up for the weekend. Hope yours was spectacular.
Saturday, December 09, 2023
Friday, December 08, 2023
No reason to walk around except for the pleasure of walking around. And seeing new things. And old things with new light. And people out on a beautiful late Fall, late afternoon. And not bitching about being too busy to have fun.
The Crushing and Relentless Power of Entropy.
I never thought that the decline and ultimate failure of an inexpensive hard drive would stir up so many thoughts about how attached I am to physical things, outcomes of day-to-day events, the feeling of needing to be in control and, mostly my attachment to the idea that there is a comforting constancy to my life.
The reality, at least as I see it, is that everything we have, including our own lives, has a parabola of existence. In the example of lifeforms we are born, we grow, we learn, we thrive and then at some point we reach the top of our arc and begin to participate in the process of entropy. The downward slide from the peak of our potential.
Here's my favorite simple definition from the Oxford Dictionary: the degree of disorder or uncertainty in a system. 2. a. : the degradation of the matter and energy in the universe to an ultimate state of inert uniformity. Entropy is the general trend of the universe toward death and disorder.
Our own slides toward dissolution can be relatively quick or agonizingly long. At least in context.
When I realized that I was unable to access the information on one of my hard drives I felt a sense of betrayal. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but since so few of the hard drives I've used up till now have actually failed (as opposed to just getting "filled up.") I had the illogical presumption that life would go on in the same fashion from now until much later. This started me down the path, yesterday, of assuming that the life and death cycle of all the things I think I depend on might be accelerating. After all, it was just last week that our microwave oven gave up the ghost...
I'm not totally unused to things failing and becoming unusable. The plastic lenses on swim goggles eventually become fogged by chemicals, abrasion and UV light and they eventually become unusable. I have no issue with that. I understand the process and replacing them with new goggles is easy and inexpensive. Shoes are another thing that wears out. And most modern shoes aren't really made to be repaired. When the soles decay beyond a certain point it is time to replace them. Sometimes I feel a twinge of loss when I have to let go of a great pair of hiking shoes but, again, I understood from the beginning that those shoes would have finite useful "life span."
In the case of this hard drive though I felt a different kind of loss since it was a vessel for my work. Both personal and professional. Logically, I know that if the files are so very important that I can have them recovered and moved to a series of newer and newer hard drives but where does it all end? How does it all end? I was letting the loss of the HD become a metaphor for my life as an artist. The loss of files a symbol for the loss of control over small parts of my own, personal art universe. A harbinger of a coming, accelerating decay toward an end. Had I become that attached to my self generated perception of the value of the work? Had I become the victim of my own identification with what my job and my art represents back to me? It appears so.
As I left the house this morning to go to the swimming pool I said to myself, "Oh Hell, Entropy is going to end up being my word for the day." I was in a quiet and sour mood. I even allowed myself to conjecture that perhaps swimming had no real value beyond being a vainglorious attempt to slow down or control my own physical and mental entropy.
But then I got in the water. I could feel the flow of the swim. As I focused on having as technically perfect a "front catch" as I could my mind started off on its own, processing all the feelings I was having and had over the previous 24 hours. I realized in the moment that I had forgotten the most important concept I learned from studying the life of Buddha. ("Old Path White Clouds" by Thich Hat Hahn). That concept being the value of resisting or rejecting desire. Non-attachment to physical things or outcomes. I had made the files on the drive important even though, in the long, medium and short run, their loss was neither good nor bad. It just was. And all the energy I was putting into battling against their loss was just causing me to be sad. Frustrated. And ineffectual.
I don't believe in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I think most things are random and chaotic. And physics tells us that entropy is a reality for....everything. We'll all die. All (statistically) hard drives will eventually become dysfunctional. Batteries will run out of energy. Tires will wear out. Our brains will slow down and eventually become less stable. We might be able to slow the process but we joust with an "opponent" that holds all the high cards.
The best way to "fight" the loss of something is to let it go. But dammit! Why do I still want to show that hard drive who's boss? Mostly because life on the way up the parabola of my existence has been so easy and fun. Few things go wrong. But now? Will the journey into chaos accelerate? What's next?
Swim Zen tells me to stop fighting things that are out of my control. Concentrate (be mindful) on doing the right things day to day. Concentrate on having the right thoughts every day. And to let go of the need to hold onto stuff so tightly; as well as the almost compulsive need to try controlling the processes.
I should have learned by now that you have to loosen up the reins on life if you want to let in a bit of creativity, whimsy and happiness. This might just work out. One way or another I am almost certain that it will. As I've said before, "Happiness is self-inflicted." The same can be said for sadness.
My swim was quite nice.




















